Knight & Stupid

Ooh, protect me, strong hero

Usually around Christmas, TV stations manage to show mostly decent films. A complete re-run of the LotR trilogy, all Bond movies or the Indiana Jones trilogy. Usually. This Christmas, I had the great misfortune to watch Knight and Day, an action flick starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. I’d heard a few bits and pieces before it was in theatres, but Germany does not get the full brunt of mediocre movies in the cinema. Only here in Sweden can I watch such appalling horridness straight on TV, since they don’t need to take the time to dub the films. Not that there was much to dub or subtitle.

Let me sum up: Knight and Day is one of the stupidest movies I have seen in a long time. It is abysmally terrible. Not only does it fail in every way possible, it does not even have the decency to be so bad as to be funny again. We speculated half-way through whether the film was trying to be a parody on conventional agent-flicks. I say: no, if it were a parody, it would be funnier.
The film does not try to have a plot, no more than the characters try to be, well, characters rather than cardboard-cutouts. There is only one possible target audience for this film: thirteen-year-old girls. I might have found this film almost decent when I was that age and had my brief (really brief) Tom Cruise phase. But even then I could have judged how painfully empty this one is. Cameron Diaz plays a silly blonde who cannot do anything. She spends most of the film unconscious and then waking up in some completely different place. Never is it explained how she is supposed to get those “mad skills” Cruise later tells her she has. Oh yeah: All that sleeping really taught her how to use a gun and stuff.

So the first half of the movie is incredibly sexist: She is totally lost without the man. She does not have the guts to walk away and stay away. She apparently values her time with him more than time with her sister, whom she supposedly adores. She has no goals in life but to make out with Tom Cruise. Later, however, the film turns this dependant relationship upside-down, and instead of him drugging her, she drugs him and saves him from his bosses. (The entire nature of his job and the apparent ruthlessness with which his superiors get rid of people is never explained.) Just to be clear, movie: Two wrongs don’t make a right. Just because they switched places does not make the nature of their ill-defined “relationship” any better.

As I said, this can only appeal to someone who will ignore everything in the film but the man. It’s a romantic story of a pretty girl who gets swooped up in a sentimental fantasy about a cool, strong, yet kind man, who keeps sending his parents money even though they think him dead. She never questions anything of the surrounding circumstances, which is just as well since they don’t make sense anyway. The action isn’t great, the different European settings are silly and cliché, the villains are flat and uninteresting. Everything about this film is uninteresting. I don’t even know how to end this review properly, other than to say that. It was a horrible, useless movie, and a waste of space in the TV programme.


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